3-24-12

I hat it when I have things I want to say but I don't know how to begin them.  I sit and stare at a blank screen and mentally sketch out the endings, the perfect middle and then write and rewrite the beginning because it just doesn't sound right.  I know what I want to say I just don't know how to get there from here.  I'm like my daughter when she drives a car.  How can we have lived somewhere for almost a year and she still doesn't know how to get home from the grocery store?  The grocery store we go to at least once a week if not more? Is she concentrating so much on the driving that she doesn't even see the signs on the way or is it that she's so distracted by life when I'm driving that she tunes out her surroundings and doesn't pay attention? It's really hard to tell but I tend to think it's a lot of the latter.  For a smart girl she can be pretty clueless, but then can't we all?  Which is funny because that's kinda what I'm trying to write about...how clueless people can be about things.  How they can miss the obvious right in front of them.  It's weird how things can hide in plain sight. We just overlook them because it seems too easy and nothing good is ever easy or so I've been told thousands of times in my life.  It's the things we work for tht we appreciate.  But I don't think that's always true.  Sometimes we appreciate gift even more than the things we earn because we know that there's no way we could get them on our own.  Like the lottery.  I'd totally appreciate it.  Is God reading that?  I'd be a great lottery winner because I know that there's no way I could be a millionaire without the help of the Almighty.  Goodness knows I'm not going to get there under my own steam.  I'm a bit too lazy for that.  Which is probably why I'll never win the darn thing.  God knows it wouldn't be good for me no matter how much I liked it.  I need things to do because I could totally be a curl up in bed eating bon bons girl while the maid cleaned around me.  May be not bon bons though because I'm not sure what they are.  I'd definitely eat cream puffs those because they are made of Yum! And I'd get to the point where the maid had to clean because my cream puff eating butt wouldn't be able to get out of bed, so I'm better off without the money I suppose.  I'd still be grateful though, so He can maybe rethink the whole it wouldn't be good for me thing?  Or not.  I just really need to figure out where to begin this thing which is probably completely obvious like "stop thinking about it and just write." so I will.

3-21-2012

Listening to E read.  It's painful to hear Dick and Jane. Do parents even name their kids Dick any more? I hope not. That would be mean. There are lots of names that you no longer hear.  Like Bob.  Why don't more parents use Bob? It's a respectable name.  Could it be that they no longer want their children to be respectable? They want them to be hot and cool.  Which you would think would cancel each other out, but somehow they don't.  People don't dream about having warm children.  Although maybe they do and they just never say. No one ever says I want a normal kid who will lead an average life of modest accomplishments.  But that's what most people do.  Isn't it? We lead average lives and are well satisfied to live them.  So why don't parents want that for their children?  Why don't they want solid? They want hares and not tortoises. The tortoise won. Does anyone really call the tortoises? They're turtles, aren't they?

Great. The baby is smiling at me and not just eating.  Eat!  I love you too, but Eat! Hurry up because I have to pee and I don't have that whole diaper safety net thing going on around here.

I'm back.  I had to put her down.  Love her, but I can't hold the baby every hour of every day.  I was talking with a friend of mine earlier about the saints and the women who disfigured themselves to avoid marriage.  That just seems harsh to me.  I get not liking a guy, but plucking out your own eyeballs?  That's a bit much.  Then he's just thinking how he dodged the bullet from that crazy train and he moves on but what are you left with? Empty sockets? What do you do with that? Did they have sunglasses back then? No. Probably not. SO the whole world just got to see your flapping lids.  Gross.  I don't need to see that.   That's nasty.  I don't care how holy it makes you, it's gross.  I'm not a fan of grossness at this point in my life. I have 7 children, that's all the gross I need.  I don't even want to know how many bodily fluids I'm wearing by the end of the day, but if I were a petri dish I'd be all fuzzy.