1-24-12

Almost 700 hits on my other blog today.  I've never had that many before.  It's been shared and the re-shared all over Facebook.  Facebook is an odd thing.  It makes strangers feel like close friends.  It makes the cooped up stay at homer fell as though she's interacted with dozens of people when the reality is she's seen no one.  We all crave that interaction.  We need other people.  Even the people who don't like people need people.  What kind of people don't like people?  It's the highest form of narcissism if you like no one's company except your own , or the worst self loathing if you include yourself.  That's just weird to me, to hate what you are.  I can see not liking the who part.  We all have things we'd like to change or that we hide from the world.  Like the oozy nasty face of the Phantom of the Opera.  We all have nasty oozy bits.  The trick is to not let then get infected or the ooze will spread.  Who wants to be the spready oozy girl?  No thank you.  I'd rather just stay at home then and not spread my oozy nastiness around. Which is, I guess, how you get to the point of not liking other people.  It's not that they're gross, it's that you are.   Or you're agoraphobic which is even harder to figure out, or was before the internet.  I can see how you can stay home and do nothing now, because you can just order everything on Amazon.  100 years ago you had to leave the house to earn a living and to shop, unless someone else did it for you.  An enabler.  Then I guess you'd need a person after all.

1-22-12

E lost her second tooth tonight.  I kept wondering why her front teeth weren't falling out so tonight I looked.  Her adult teeth are erupting in the roof of her mouth.  There has been nothing to push the baby teeth out of the way.  I used to think that she would be so lovely if the dead front tooth would only fall out, but at least it was in the front where it was supposed to be.  Heaven only knows what this will cost us.  I hate for it to be about money, but it is.  W and L need braces too.  It will be the second time for W, but shouldn't be that involved.  His teeth look worse than they are.  L's should be easy, but he still chews on stuff.  His teeth are chipped and I'm afraid that he will do damage to the tooth surface by popping off brackets with the crap he chews.  I wish I could figure out the chewing component.  Then there's E's toe.  It swelled up and turned black a week ago.  The bruise is gone but it's still swollen.  It doesn't hurt her at all so he hops around and plays every chance she gets.  It's not any better.  We said it was broken or jammed, but the non-improvement worries me.  It could be something worse and I don't know what.  I'm avoiding Dr Google.  He gets me into trouble and makes me paranoid.  I have enough issues.  I don't need to add paranoia to the list of them.

1-21-12

My house is clean for this moment in time, at least the downstairs public rooms.  Whatever you do, don't look in my bedroom.  The baby is asleep in the middle of my bed, but that's the only calm spot.  The rest of the master bedroom is pure chaos right now.  It's the result of the intense cleaning on the rest of the rooms. I'm having women from the neighborhood over to play bunco tonight.  CG is out of town with W camping, and M is babysitting.  That means that the loud and roudy youngest children are all upstairs under the watchful eye of L.  That's a bit like asking the Tasmanian Devil to maintain calm and decorum.  It's a losing battle before it's even begun.  I don't know how one child can be filled with so much energy.  It's almost inhuman the amount of energy that's bottled up in that child.  He eats nothing.  Where does the energy come from?  It's like C.  He's giant and lives on grilled cheese sandwiches.  You wouldn't think that grilled cheese would help a boy grown to gargantuan heights.

1-18-12

I can't believe that I have 3 followers on this blog.  It just doesn't seem like something that people would be interested in.  But people will waste their time reading all kinds of things like that cat blog "I can haz.."  I just don't get that one.  Or Jersey Shore.  How many hours of their lives have people spent watching Snooki or  whatever her name is trying to get laid?  Is that even interesting?  I'll admit to watching Dance Moms though, and my husband doesn't get that either.  These shows are such a waste of time and yet they're like crack, we can't walk away from them.  Although I'm just saying that based upon things that I've heard and read.  I've never done crack so I don't really know how addictive or enjoyable it is.  I have to take others' word for it.  I've only heard about it on the news.  Do you think the news reporters really know what they're talking baout when they discuss things like crack and meth?  I doubt it.  They're just reading the cue cards or repeating what they've heard. Wait.  Do they still use cue cards?  I'm sure it's teleprompters.  Nobody hand writes anything any longer.  That's a good thing for my boys.  Their handwriting is AWFUL.  I make them practice it, and it's beautiful on the worksheets, but when they have to write in real life it's nearly unreadable.  We've been shopping for First Communion dresses for E.  She knows what she wants, but that dress is discontinued. It's hard to fall in love with a dress when you have a completely different picture in your head.  She needs to forget the princess sleeves and move on to something else wonderful.

1-16-12

The baby is all curled up into my lap and making noises like a little snuffling animal.  What kind of animal would that be?  An elephant is what comes to mind, but I can't picture one curling up in his mother's lap.  Do elephants have laps?  A kangaroo does in a way.  Do you think kangaroos get tired of carrying their babies everywhere and ever want to say "Get out and walk, darn it."?  Are animals capable of that kind of thinking?  I would call it higher level, but I really wanted to write "dammit" and that's lower level thinking, I'm sure.

My daughter's friend is coming to visit soon, but she seems torn by it.  I get that.  People grow apart  when they don't see each other often.  It can be awkward at first.  But there are some friends who are at ease from the first moment.  They're the kind I ask for, and if you are fortunate God will grant you one and you only need one.

1-14-12

Getting this in just under the wire.  We have company in our house tonight and we stayed up late talking.  They're here to bring the eldest back to college, except for the boys who are here to visit my children.  It's nice to have a household full of people, but the noise was too much for my husband and he went to bed early with EARPLUGS.   He insists that there's nothing really wrong with his hearing, but I know the truth.  He doesn't hear about 60% of what is said.  I can't tell whether that's a blessing or a curse.  Sometimes I think it would be nice to not hear the commotion that swirls around me but be able to live in blessed silence for a while.  I'd think that the quiet would get boring very quickly though.  I need near constant mental stimulation and the calm would make me insane.  I start turning things on to generate a certain level of noise and distraction when the house is empty except for me.  The lack of noise can be a complete distraction and make me unable to function.  I end up just pacing the house and looking for something to happen.  I'm a bit like a zoo lion in his cage.  Constantly pacing.  Do you think they plot ways to escape?  Do they look at the fences which surround them and calculate the chances of being able to leap over them?  Do they weigh whether or not the razor wire is worth braving?  I feel sorry for the zoo animals.  Zoos are just depressing places to me.  I want the animals to be able to run free and live on as much space as they need.  But then again I want to be able to look at them up close and see how their fur moves when they walk and the size of their teeth when they yawn.  But I want them to be able to roar.  Have you ever noticed how the zoo lions don't roar?  They do when they first arrive but after a while they get hit with creeping apathy and they stop roaring.  They just pace.  Maybe the zoo is too quiet for them after the jungle noises.  Perhaps we should loan them a TV to turn on for sound and company.

1-13-12

Friday the 13th.  It's supposed to be unlucky.  It never has been for me.  Not that it's been a particularly lucky day either, it's just a day like any other.  I think these things are all in people's heads, whether one date is good or bad.  Luck is just in perception.  An ordinary day can become lucky because of one chance happening.  Not that I believe in coincidence.  The things we notice as coincidences are God making himself more obvious than usual, in my opinion.  So I don't believe in luck.  I believe in God.  Who do atheists believe creates luck?  Where do they think it comes from?  Can you believe in luck and still be an atheist?  Isn't it believing in some sort of supernatural power?  We're all created to seek the mysterious unknown anyway.  It's part of our DNA.  They can try and explain away their muddled belief systems but it all comes back to control.  Either you're in control, or you're not.  Which is hard for someone like me who craves control to accept.  Because I think we're created to believe, but also to seek control.  We crave it the way a fat girl craves French fries, and I should know.  Not that I'm fat, but I could lose a bit of weight.  9 pregnancies in 16 years is not easy on the body.  Part of me wonders why to bother with getting back in shape.  My natural shape seems to be pregnant.  That's why I could never be Mormon.  (Other than I don't agree with their theology)  My Mormon friend told me that she'll be married forever and bearing her spirit children for all eternity and I said "No, thank you."  I've been pregnant long enough here on Earth that I believe I've paid my dues.  I'll take Catholic Heaven, thank you very much.  I just want a fluffy cloud to rest on and perhaps a flat belly.  Will we have bellies in Heaven?  I would think so, resurrection of the body and all that.